I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad they're alive, but there isn't a lot of time to dwell on feeling satisfied, and most of the time, they're still in bad shape, sooo... [...] Anyway, I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm glad I have something useful to do, but I wish I wasn't needed as much as I am, does that make sense? Like, if people could just stop hurting themselves for a day or two, that'd be great.
You already bring me so much joy just by existing and being yourself! When you're smiling, I can't help but to smile, too! You don't even know if you'd like the old me, before all this! If I went back even 5 years, I don't even know if I'd recognize myself.
I'm glad you feel like you can be yourself here! Alyce sounds nice, even if she was a little misguided. I'm sorry you never felt like you could be fully honest with her, though.
[...] I'm still a little lonely over here (I'm not an EMT or a firefighter [plus I'm older], so I'll never really truly be a part of that crew), but not when I'm talking to you.
It makes perfect sense! Honestly I spend so much of my time trying to find something useful to do and then get stressed out when I've got too much mending on my hands. Hard to imagine transferring that to mending people. [...] I really do think you're incredible for doing the job that you do. I'm also pretty sure I'd find you incredible regardless, even if you were just a humble cobbler.
How could it be POSSIBLE for me to not like the old you??? I don't know how I could ever encounter a man like you and not trip over myself on my way to falling in love.
I wish you could've met Alyce!! [...] To be perfectly honest with YOU, I don't know that I could've gotten up the guts to introduce you to the rest of my family. Around here I wanna stand up on the roof of the RV and tell everyone I'm in love with the most wonderful man in the world and I can't wait to marry him. But [...] well, as long as we're talking about our tragic flaws and how they ruined previous relationships, there's one of the big ones.
When we're married, I'm never gonna let you feel lonely again.
You're SO helpful, though. You're the heart of all this, and I'm not just saying that. You make the Quad a place worth living. And you know what? I wish I was a cobbler, because then maybe I'd get to spend more time with you.
I was like... A perky do-gooder? Maybe a little pretentious? And I didn't have a beard. I also had a lot of money and then felt bad about having a lot of money, so I felt like I had to do even more.
I wish I could could have met her, too! I'm sad for your family that their close-mindedness never allowed them to see this part of you. My parents would have loved you. They would have fed you so much food and asked you to make me go to church more.
I hope you'll never feel lonely, either! There are so many people who clearly love you, and I'm just one of them.
Maybe we can cobble together a little more alone time... (That was a terrible joke, please don't take back my ring!!!) [...] But thank you. For making me feel like I'm more than just a, I don't know, novelty?? For about a year there, that's how most folks saw us at least, and boy did that novelty wear off quick.
Hmm, you still sound like you, but with less facial hair and more anxiety. Or maybe just more energy for anxiety?? It sounds like you needed someone to tell you it's okay and put blinders on you, but I'm DEFINITELY not seeing anything I wouldn't like.
Oooooh I am SO good with parents, too. I'd wear a cute sweater with my cross necklace out and wind up getting adopted. [...] I'm glad I don't feel like I need to hide you from my family, though. No matter how much I told myself it was only about protecting myself and that no one else was getting hurt, it wasn't fair to my partner. Also, like I said, I'm about ready to climb up on top of this RV and yell about you so it would probably be real hard to keep all that secret.
You're my favorite though. And I hope out of all the people who love YOU, I'm your favorite.
Are you kidding? I love your jokes. Yes, all of them. All fun puns and joking aside though, I really do hope that once we train more Responders, I can maybe cut back on my hours a bit in the future. [...] It would be nice someday if I could just be a regular doctor instead in one place instead of running around on calls all the time. You are WAY more than just a novelty, though—can you imagine how much the world would suck if it was just a bunch of shitty survivalist libertarian guys running around with guns or whatever? I don't want to live in world without joy and art and hope and whimsy! You're SO important, and not just to me!
Less facial hair and more anxiety is probably a good way of putting it! I did have more energy, but also a lot more caffeine options! I was also kind of a pushover and a dork and I think I annoyed a lot of people with my Boy Scout energy. Now I'm more like some kinda creature that's been run over by a truck a few times.
Ohhh, they never would have wanted you to leave. They would have liked you better than me! I'm glad you don't feel like you need to hide who you are any more too, even if all the attention kinda makes me a little self-conscious.
You are! I love you so much, it makes me a little insane?
Do you think y'all're getting closer to accomplishing the dream of normal work hours? I love the snatches of time I get with you, and I'll be grateful for every last dang one of them, but it DOES make it easier if I know one of these days I'll have you all to myself. I'm also pretty sure there's whole SWATHS of Georgia and Appalachia in general that're full of those folks, so it's a BIT of a relief to not be trying to teach them about joy and art and hope and whimsy!!
It really is everyone else's loss if they couldn't appreciate you and your heavily caffeinated Boy Scout energy!! But I've also been told I've got squeaky clean Scout Leader energy, even if the Boy Scouts are homophobes who likely wouldn't appreciate either of us, so maybe we were both just waiting around for someone with matching vibes.
I just want you to realize how special you are... I could TRY and make my pronouncements of love and admiration a little more low key to make you feel less self-conscious, but when you're not around I DO sometimes just sit around and sigh wistfully so others will ask me if I'm okay and I can tell them how I'm just thinking about my future husband and then start talking about you. (I'm not optimized for low key!!!!)
Good insane I hope!!! And if I'm haunting your dreams and getting songs stuck in your head and THAT'S what's making you a little insane, try to break it to me gently.
[...] Honestly, probably not. But maybe someday! (I'm so tired! Breaking my own fingers is still an option!!) I'll try harder. I'm glad we get to have all that joy and art and whimsy all to ourselves! Although maybe if those other guys had some, they wouldn't be so anti-social and mad.
With our combined heavily-caffeinated Boy Scout energy, we could power the whole Quad! We'll make our own better, queerer Scouts! Suck it, homophobes!
It's ok, I'm not optimized for low key either! I assure you, any self-consciousness is my problem, not yours. I'll get over it.
GOOD INSANE!!! I love dreaming about you and getting your little songs stuck in my head.
Don't work yourself even harder in the hopes of one day having a break!! That's antithetical to your resolution!! Though I WOULD work myself harder spreading joy and art and whimsy if it brought more doctors and/or a sense of peace to the Quad (and world by extension!!), so one of us can still be overworked in order to keep us BALANCED.
And guess what, the Queer Quad Scouts have FANTASTIC merit badges and sashes in colors that aren't khaki.
Lordy am I glad I don't have to tone down my affection. If it DOES get to be too much sometimes or you're feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated and over-seen and over-everything and need to just sit in the quiet and not be praised for a couple minutes, just let me know!! The way your brain works isn't something you necessarily have to get over! I'm a full-on extrovert (I would be an absolute nightmare in an office!) and sometimes I need a reminder that not everyone wants a head full of other people and noises all the time.
You know, thinking about you makes me the opposite of insane... I feel kinda peaceful?? Like I just want to lay back and picture your face and your voice and the feel of your arms around me, and I don't wanna fidget quite as much.
I need to train more people to do doctor stuff so that I'm not the only one doing doctor stuff, so unfortunately I do kinda have to work harder in hopes of someday having a break. Although that is a great idea—maybe we can convince some to move here, but I don't want you working any harder than you already do. Don't be like me! Look how many greys I have! Undereye bags for days!!
Hell yeah! Khaki's a terrible colour anyway, nobody looks good in it.
Please never tone anything down! I would never bully you into being less You—I love you just the way you are! I love your extroversion, even if I can't always match your energy (I guess you can tell I'm overwhelmed and overstimulated a lot?). I try to force myself to be outgoing/funny/friendly so that people feel more at ease/like me/don't chase me off with pitchforks, but I think it comes off as a little unhinged sometimes? Meanwhile, you're a natural! So please, never think there's anything wrong with you, when the problem is always unilaterally me and my weird energy. I'm just built wrong! And the apocalypse has made it worse! So tl;dr: it's never you, it's always me.
I'm glad I can bring you some peace! Sorry if writing you like, 17 million paragraphs has made you feel any less peaceful, somehow. I get excited, blabbing at you. I'm not scared of you chasing me off with a pitchfork!
After seeing you work yourself to the bone back in November, I'll do whatever it takes to get you a little more help! I think I could afford a couple greys and some eye circles—it MIGHT even give me a little more GRAVITAS for the stage.
There ain't no off button on this sparkle, DON'T you fret. But I also don't want you thinking the way you are is flawed or wrong or anything!! I'll admit to having at least a LITTLE love-blindness (you're perfect and it's everyone else's loss if they don't realize that on first glance??), but I've also met a heck of a lot of folks in the world, and everyone's at least KINDA weird and broken in some way. Which I genuinely think is part of what makes this world beautiful!! Even now!! So your weirdness is just part of who you are and part of what makes YOU beautiful.
Niko Kostopoulos I LOVE your blabber and I want to hear every goshdarn word cluttering up that gorgeous head of yours. When other people ain't yapping at me, I'm yapping away in my own head, and I can get QUITE tired of hearing my own voice. I got WAY too many opinions!!
But makeup and imagination could do that without you hurting yourself! Seriously, don't do what I do!
[...] That's really nice of you to say, thank you? I gotta be honest, I've kinda always thought of my weirdness as something I have to overcome (and for others to learn to tolerate) rather than something, y'know, positive? I do wish I could sparkle a little more like you, but I'll settle for being able to bask in those perfect rays of sunshine of yours!
I want to hear all your opinions! Unfortunately the more comfortable I get, the more I talk, so please take it as a compliment and don't let me hog the entire conversation! Do you have any favourite records? If you had a signature outfit, what would it be? What's your favourite mythical creature?
While I got my doubts any amount of work could be more stressful than our year on the road, I PROMISE I won't run myself ragged. I MIGHT start hanging around the Lobby more to ask passersby if they happen to know any itinerant doctors though.
And I'll bask in your beautiful sunshine!! Also if you ever need to outsource chatter and schmoozing and all that extrovert business, you've got one on call now who would be just THRILLED to help AND thinks you've got a cute butt.
I keep on comin' back for more conversation don't I??? But okay, these are VERY important questions that MUST be answered before we pledge our lives to each other, so:
- Kate Bush's Hounds of Love, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street OCR (1979), Hall and Oates' H20. - You know that purple sweater I wore to the first Summit meeting?? That, but in a variety of different colors. I used to dress like a youth pastor who's DEEP in denial about his sexuality. - Ooooh. Sphinx? A sphinx feels right. She feels like someone I want to know but will FOREVER keep her secrets from me. Also, I love cats!!
Careful, or people might start thinking you're building a doctor harem.
I really hit the jackpot, didn't I? Will you ask the restaurant for an extra pickle for me, too? Maybe you can tell me when my attempts at schmoozing devolve into trying to tell people unwanted lizard facts, 'cause I don't always notice.
They're very important! I need to know all these things about you just in case Whitney brings back game shows and we wind up on the Newlywed Game.
I love this. Excellent choices. I feel like I understand a whole new side of you.
You know I love the purple sweater and I hope that someday you do get to have it in every color. What does a youth pastor who's DEEP in denial about his sexuality dress like?
You do love cats! Are you also a fan of riddles? What about the musical Cats?
My turn? Hmmmm.
The Replacements' Let It Be (1984) (which had Androgynous on it, a Midwestern queer anthem!), The Breeders' Last Splash (1993), Fugazi's 13 Songs (1989).
I wish I could say it was the leather jacket, but I feel like now it's wearing a tailored suit at stuff that doesn't require it 'cause it's all I had on hand at the time.
Maybe a werewolf? I have a soft spot for misunderstood monsters. Wolves are actually very nurturing and devoted animals!
Yes, yes, and yes. But what I'll do is tell you to save the facts for me, 'cause I really DO wanna know the weird lizard facts!!
I think most of our competitors at the moment might just be dogs. If we're serious about this, we're gonna need to start setting folks up.
I should ALSO give credit to the Pet Shop Boys for understanding a 22-year-old me better than I ever could!! (It's a Sin might have changed my life??? Which is kind of wild now that I'm thinking about it????)
TOO many sweater vests, I don't know why I thought sleeveless knitwear was the wave of the future.
Riddles are fun, but I'm terrible at solving them!! And Cats... well, I've never seen it sober, and I don't drink anymore, so!! I'll pass on any traveling productions. SINGING it, however, requires NO alcohol and is a BLAST (you are, of course, MY magical Mister Mistoffelees)!
As for YOU:
You are immediately SO much cooler than me. I feel like I can SEE you at some grungy local concert because you're friends with the drummer.
Better to over-dress than under-dress!! And at least it looks good!! Folks underestimate how much just a little tailoring can do for an outfit.
You're so cute. Also werewolves are inherently queer-coded!! And I think at least one of the books I got you for your birthday is about werewolves!! [...] Lord I hope they're not like the werewolf stories Tegan asked me to read for them. Well, maybe not ALL of
I think you'd make for a very good polycule curator.
Oooh, careful. Don't get me started on lizards, because I have an endless supply of weird lizard facts (and weird facts in general).
You're so right. Who's first on your list? I think Arlo could use a date. He's [...] a little sad.
I love that so much. That song's amazing. Sometimes I wish I could be 22 again and hearing stuff for the first time. Maybe we could swap some lil gay mixtapes (did you ever do that back then?).
Oh noooooo, your arms must've been so cold! I've never quite understood what the point of those was, except maybe so the sleeves don't get all scrunkly under a jacket?
Did you ever go to one of those escape rooms? Or would they just stress you out? I don't know anything about Cats (the musical), so I'm going to take magical Mister Mistoffelees as a compliment!
I love bullet points.
Chicago had a great musical scene! I was friends with SO many grungy drummers. It was a great place for a little queer weirdos to meet other queer weirdos and make friends over alleyway beers.
It's true! I wish I knew how to do it! I'm just glad I'm still getting use out of that thing, 'cause it cost a fortune.
They are! Hiding your true nature because people think you're a terrifying beast (when actually they're just jealous because you're a powerful hunk). And I've read that one already! It was great! Thank you!
Oh no... what if I have to sit around and listen to you passionately describe niche subjects for the rest of our lives...
You know, I was thinking Edgar because he's the only other member of the troupe that managed to stay outta the smooch polygon situation. Do you think he and Arlo could fall in love??
How dare you remind me of my gay mixtape era!! (I'm not embarrassed about it, but I feel like I SHOULD be!!) (Anyway what better way to tell a boy you like him and would like him to know more about you than recording a dozen songs that make you feel something off the Quad radio!!)
That's what makes it even more ridiculous—I lived in Los Angeles! I didn't even NEED a jacket usually! Also I wore bowties sometimes. I might have been less youth pastor and more ventriloquist's dummy for a couple years there.
I didn't! But I BET I'd have fun as long as someone else was doing the solving and I was just there for MORAL SUPPORT. And Cats (the musical) is a LOT of nonsense, but it's IMPORTANT that you know Rum Tum Tugger and Mr. Mistoffelees are in love. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And I love YOU.
In LA that was the overnight shift at an all-night diner. There'd usually be at least three aspiring actors, two struggling musicians, and a drag queen trying to glue her heel back to her shoe on any given night. Which somehow doesn't sound as cool as drinking beers in an alleyway with grungy drummers??
Well now you got your own personal tailor!! (You do have to share me with eight actors though.)
And the only way to kill us is with a tacky silver bullet (we deserve gold or platinum, obviously)! I'm glad the book was good though!! I was at least a little afraid it was gonna end up being one of those... alpha stories that Tegan keeps trying to tell me about and I refuse to listen because these ears belong to the Lord.
Then you might get sick of them! I'll have to make sure I keep my list of niche subjects up-to-date so that I don't repeat myself.
Ooooh, maybe? They're both very noble and heroic, they have good hearts, AND they're handsome. Arlo's divorced but I think he just needs to get back out there and meet someone outside of Prescott.
Don't be embarrassed by it! It's a rite of passage! I'm gonna figure out a way to make you one so that you can feel secondhand embarrassment instead.
Bowties are cute, though. As long as they're the proper ones and not pre-tied or clip-ons.
We would make a great team, then! I love solving puzzles but I'd do even better if I had a cutiepie cheering me on! I'm going to trust you on the cats' love lives. All I know is it's apparently a musical about singing cats that all want to die to go to cat heaven? Is that right?
I love you, too!!
That sounds fun, though! The camaraderie you get from working a terrible rush at a diner while short-staffed is nothing to scoff at!
Well, thank goodness for that! I can't go around looking like a guy who doesn't understand the importance of a good silhouette.
Maybe it's the tackiness that kills us. Also I have no idea what you're talking about and I'm guessing that maybe I want to keep it that way?
You are FAR AND AWAY my favorite doctor in the whole harem. (Don't tell the dentists. I don't count them as doctors.)
Repeat yourself all you want, handsome. Maybe I missed something the first time 'cause I was lost in your eyes, or 'cause a head this blond and gay ain't made for thinking, and I might need another lesson!!!
Honestly we should just have a singles mixer and lock all of 'em up in a room until at LEAST two others are engaged. Or at least smooching. That'll lead to marriage eventually.
You know I'm gonna listen to it in the RV until everyone gets sick of it and moves out and then we can have it ALL to ourselves!!
Of COURSE these were proper bowties, I'm a dork (and a wooden dummy), I'm not a HEATHEN. I think they're best saved for a proper cute occasion though.
That's [...] pretty much the plot?? The oldest cat in the junkyard has to choose who gets to go to the Heaviside Layer and be reborn, so the show is BASICALLY like going to cat church.
And you know what, I was a DARN good server!! I met so many interesting folks!! You got any good serving stories up your sleeve??
Thank the Lord, because you have a VERY striking silhouette and I need everyone to swoon over my man.
You do not want to know what I'm talking about and should actually banish these thoughts from your mind!!!
Finally, my life has meaning! I won't tell the dentists anything. Let them all think that they're the top docs.
Oh, don't say that. You're too pretty to waste your time listening to me recite Wikipedia from memory.
That's a GREAT idea! Valentine's Day is coming up...
That's a perfect plan! I'm going to make it extra sappy just to expedite the process!
Someday we can have a proper fancy dinner date and we can both wear proper bowties to our hearts' content!
Interesting! So does he kill the winner? Or how does it end?
I'm sure you were! Mostly I just flirted with old ladies for tips, and my mom tried to set me up with her friends' daughters by being like, "My boy's going to be a doctor someday!" (I don't think said daughters were ever consulted). One time I hit a robber with a frying pan like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. What about you?
THANK YOU! I didn't survive this long to look lumpy! And I'm so glad you're also a snazzy dresser because it'd be a same to hide that figure.
They all just seem so sad! I couldn't possibly tell them I'm only setting up the polycule so my fiancé can get some rest!!
What else am I supposed to use these ears for?? Help me fill up the big ol' empty space between 'em!!
Oh gosh, I used to be SO good at Valentine's Day. I'm gonna have to think about what I want to do for you in order to preserve my reputation!!!!
And I will SIGH and lay on the floor (because my bed is a table during the day) and stare at the ceiling and giggle excitedly sometimes, JUST to annoy them. Also because I'm giddy and in love.
I bet you look so cute in a little bowtie... What's your favorite color to wear? I'm not NOT asking because I would love to make a cute outfit for you to one day wear to a proper little dinner date...
He... kinda takes the winner halfway to the Heaviside Layer?? Sometimes on stairs, sometimes on a tire, at least once it was just a flying saucer, and then Old Deuteronomy (a normal name for a cat) turns to the audience and starts just talking about how cats are just so much better than dogs, as we've learned tonight. But most of what we've learned tonight is just the names of a bunch of weird cats that don't deserve to go to heaven yet???
Oh that Sunday post-church rush was FULL of my future wives and in-laws, apparently!! (I WAS the only one who got more tips on Sundays though, I sure know how to charm a church lady!!) I DID get some Chick tracts as tips more than once, which I think is a WILD choice when you're dining in West Hollywood. I also found a handgun on the seat in a booth once??? Fully loaded and just... sitting there!! For an innocent young 33-year-old to find!!
I spent WAY too long trying to look good for gay LA to go hiding behind baggy t-shirts and jerseys for all those sport teams I definitely enjoy.
Now that ain't to say ALL horny werewolf stories need the banishing treatment...
Oooooh, maybe they could knock me out with a bit of their laughing gas, though...
All joking aside, you're like, one of the smartest people I've met so don't sell yourself short.
Oh no, that's coming up fast! I gotta step up my game!
We gotta get you a real bed to dangle your legs off and kick your feet.
I don't know. I default to black because I get decision paralysis trying to pick colours!
We didn't learn this story in Greek church! What kind of sins did the rest of the cats do that they're banned from the kingdom of cat heaven?
You too, huh? Man, if we ever get besieged by old church ladies, we are READY! Your cheeks are much more pinchable than mine, though. What did you do with the gun?? Did a church lady leave her glock unattended???
Well, all that hard work did not go to waste, 'cause now you're gay LA hot in some backwoods hole in rural Washington State. You're so powerful.
Oh, I like a good quality horny werewolf story, I won't deny that. But they gotta be classy about it.
As long as that's what you want!! Consent must be enthusiastic and mutual in my harem!!
Oh I ain't[...] You know how you're not used to hearing nice things about yourself so you get just a mite self-conscious when I tell you how amazing and thoughtful and brilliant and funny and interesting and handsome (and more!!!) you are?? [...] I'm not used to hearing that I'm smart or good-looking. So thank you!!
We could ALSO tell Valentine's Day it has no business here in our apocalypse, I'll celebrate the man I love any ol' day of the year!!
I think I'm starting to develop an attachment to the backaches the little bed gives me, it ain't healthy. HOWEVER!! If we finish the theater before too long, rumor has it there'll be a couple private rooms in there, and the LEAST they can do for their almost-fifty-year-old costumer is to give him space to dangle his legs off his bed and listen to his sappy mixtapes!!
I can pick out your colors!!! And all you'll have to do is stand there and look cute while I play Ferry Godmother and get you ALL dolled up.
And this is why all y'all are damned to Hell, for not knowing about the Jellicle choice. The cats, however, were just left to languish on Earth because they weren't as pathetic as Grizabella. Remember that when you're standing at the pearly gates, folks!!!
I gave the gun to the shift lead, I had an audition to get to!! Never heard from it again, so I ASSUME it was handed in to the proper authorities and Agnes got to brandish her righteous fury once more!!
All dozen times I went to the gym were NOT wasted and I DID get my money's worth. I was right to take out those payday loans!!
Gotcha, I WON'T be pulling out the unedited versions of Tegan's tales. Those are [...] not safe for human consumption.
I don't want to do anything else with them, mind you, I was just thinking about having a good nap.
Look, I get it but also: you are the smartest, best-looking, kindest and most talented person here, and I only have eyes for you... AND you have a perfect ass, so jot that down!
How about I celebrate you every day of the year and ALSO get you a silly stuffed gorilla covered in hearts that says "you drive me bananas" because you deserve it?
It's definitely the least they could do! Maybe you should play up how old and fragile you are to trick the younguns into giving you a better mattress (unless the older troupe person beats you to it).
That sounds like a lot of fun. Will you also sing a little mouse song so that I can get the full Disney princess experience?
Be pathetic, got it. I think I'm gonna win this heaven thing.
That, or your shift lead used it to rob a bank. Kind of a toss-up.
You are a genius and ahead of your time! Now you're an apocalypse king!
And if they're not on board, maybe we can get someone to siphon your blood again!!
Well if I can trust anyone's word, it's that of the best doctor in Trumbull County!! [...] Thank you. For being you, for sticking it out the last couple years, for not falling in love before I got here, and for the compliments that I simply CANNOT believe. My butt is extremely old!!
Only if I can make you a stuffed lobster that says you're CLAWSOME!!
Chenin Blanc and I are DEFINITELY gonna have it out in the Thunderdome if she tries to keep me from having the comfiest mattress. She sleeps in the bed now!!
OBVIOUSLY, but with the fair warning that singing WILL attract roaming theater kids.
Nooo you can't go to the Heaviside Layer without your Rum Tum Tugger—I honestly can't believe they've never changed that name.
Huh. I was assured sudden departure in a Ferrari was unrelated. You don't think she'd just LIE, do you??
I just wish folks would notice me for my sparkling wit a little more often...
I've actually been disallowed from reading any of those anime stories 'cause I ask too many questions.
Oooh, that's a good idea! Then I'd be doing my medical duty as well as shirking it!
Well, nobody was worthy enough to fall in love with in the past two years, nor was any ass worth complimenting, so make of that what you will! You're the cream of the crop.
Ohohoho, I've always wanted one of those.
Maybe we could put a cast on your leg just for added sympathy points. She's had her share of nicest bed!
Is that how you get more of you? Are you like a theatre kid Pied Piper?
Rum Tum Tugger does NOT sound like the sort of guy who'd be in the Bible.
Are you kidding me? Have you MET restaurant people?
Surely most people have noticed, even if they're pretending they don't out of jealousy. And if they haven't noticed, they are stupid and wrong. So there.
I think I'm too old to understand any of that sort of thing.
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DM 1/2
You already bring me so much joy just by existing and being yourself! When you're smiling, I can't help but to smile, too! You don't even know if you'd like the old me, before all this! If I went back even 5 years, I don't even know if I'd recognize myself.
I'm glad you feel like you can be yourself here! Alyce sounds nice, even if she was a little misguided. I'm sorry you never felt like you could be fully honest with her, though.
[...] I'm still a little lonely over here (I'm not an EMT or a firefighter [plus I'm older], so I'll never really truly be a part of that crew), but not when I'm talking to you.
DM 1/2
How could it be POSSIBLE for me to not like the old you??? I don't know how I could ever encounter a man like you and not trip over myself on my way to falling in love.
I wish you could've met Alyce!! [...] To be perfectly honest with YOU, I don't know that I could've gotten up the guts to introduce you to the rest of my family. Around here I wanna stand up on the roof of the RV and tell everyone I'm in love with the most wonderful man in the world and I can't wait to marry him. But [...] well, as long as we're talking about our tragic flaws and how they ruined previous relationships, there's one of the big ones.
When we're married, I'm never gonna let you feel lonely again.
DM 1/2
I was like... A perky do-gooder? Maybe a little pretentious? And I didn't have a beard. I also had a lot of money and then felt bad about having a lot of money, so I felt like I had to do even more.
I wish I could could have met her, too! I'm sad for your family that their close-mindedness never allowed them to see this part of you. My parents would have loved you. They would have fed you so much food and asked you to make me go to church more.
I hope you'll never feel lonely, either! There are so many people who clearly love you, and I'm just one of them.
DM 1/2
Hmm, you still sound like you, but with less facial hair and more anxiety. Or maybe just more energy for anxiety?? It sounds like you needed someone to tell you it's okay and put blinders on you, but I'm DEFINITELY not seeing anything I wouldn't like.
Oooooh I am SO good with parents, too. I'd wear a cute sweater with my cross necklace out and wind up getting adopted. [...] I'm glad I don't feel like I need to hide you from my family, though. No matter how much I told myself it was only about protecting myself and that no one else was getting hurt, it wasn't fair to my partner. Also, like I said, I'm about ready to climb up on top of this RV and yell about you so it would probably be real hard to keep all that secret.
You're my favorite though. And I hope out of all the people who love YOU, I'm your favorite.
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Less facial hair and more anxiety is probably a good way of putting it! I did have more energy, but also a lot more caffeine options! I was also kind of a pushover and a dork and I think I annoyed a lot of people with my Boy Scout energy. Now I'm more like some kinda creature that's been run over by a truck a few times.
Ohhh, they never would have wanted you to leave. They would have liked you better than me! I'm glad you don't feel like you need to hide who you are any more too, even if all the attention kinda makes me a little self-conscious.
You are! I love you so much, it makes me a little insane?
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It really is everyone else's loss if they couldn't appreciate you and your heavily caffeinated Boy Scout energy!! But I've also been told I've got squeaky clean Scout Leader energy, even if the Boy Scouts are homophobes who likely wouldn't appreciate either of us, so maybe we were both just waiting around for someone with matching vibes.
I just want you to realize how special you are... I could TRY and make my pronouncements of love and admiration a little more low key to make you feel less self-conscious, but when you're not around I DO sometimes just sit around and sigh wistfully so others will ask me if I'm okay and I can tell them how I'm just thinking about my future husband and then start talking about you. (I'm not optimized for low key!!!!)
Good insane I hope!!! And if I'm haunting your dreams and getting songs stuck in your head and THAT'S what's making you a little insane, try to break it to me gently.
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With our combined heavily-caffeinated Boy Scout energy, we could power the whole Quad! We'll make our own better, queerer Scouts! Suck it, homophobes!
It's ok, I'm not optimized for low key either! I assure you, any self-consciousness is my problem, not yours. I'll get over it.
GOOD INSANE!!! I love dreaming about you and getting your little songs stuck in my head.
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And guess what, the Queer Quad Scouts have FANTASTIC merit badges and sashes in colors that aren't khaki.
Lordy am I glad I don't have to tone down my affection. If it DOES get to be too much sometimes or you're feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated and over-seen and over-everything and need to just sit in the quiet and not be praised for a couple minutes, just let me know!! The way your brain works isn't something you necessarily have to get over! I'm a full-on extrovert (I would be an absolute nightmare in an office!) and sometimes I need a reminder that not everyone wants a head full of other people and noises all the time.
You know, thinking about you makes me the opposite of insane... I feel kinda peaceful?? Like I just want to lay back and picture your face and your voice and the feel of your arms around me, and I don't wanna fidget quite as much.
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Hell yeah! Khaki's a terrible colour anyway, nobody looks good in it.
Please never tone anything down! I would never bully you into being less You—I love you just the way you are! I love your extroversion, even if I can't always match your energy (I guess you can tell I'm overwhelmed and overstimulated a lot?). I try to force myself to be outgoing/funny/friendly so that people feel more at ease/like me/don't chase me off with pitchforks, but I think it comes off as a little unhinged sometimes? Meanwhile, you're a natural! So please, never think there's anything wrong with you, when the problem is always unilaterally me and my weird energy. I'm just built wrong! And the apocalypse has made it worse! So tl;dr: it's never you, it's always me.
I'm glad I can bring you some peace! Sorry if writing you like, 17 million paragraphs has made you feel any less peaceful, somehow. I get excited, blabbing at you. I'm not scared of you chasing me off with a pitchfork!
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There ain't no off button on this sparkle, DON'T you fret. But I also don't want you thinking the way you are is flawed or wrong or anything!! I'll admit to having at least a LITTLE love-blindness (you're perfect and it's everyone else's loss if they don't realize that on first glance??), but I've also met a heck of a lot of folks in the world, and everyone's at least KINDA weird and broken in some way. Which I genuinely think is part of what makes this world beautiful!! Even now!! So your weirdness is just part of who you are and part of what makes YOU beautiful.
Niko Kostopoulos I LOVE your blabber and I want to hear every goshdarn word cluttering up that gorgeous head of yours. When other people ain't yapping at me, I'm yapping away in my own head, and I can get QUITE tired of hearing my own voice. I got WAY too many opinions!!
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[...] That's really nice of you to say, thank you? I gotta be honest, I've kinda always thought of my weirdness as something I have to overcome (and for others to learn to tolerate) rather than something, y'know, positive? I do wish I could sparkle a little more like you, but I'll settle for being able to bask in those perfect rays of sunshine of yours!
I want to hear all your opinions! Unfortunately the more comfortable I get, the more I talk, so please take it as a compliment and don't let me hog the entire conversation! Do you have any favourite records? If you had a signature outfit, what would it be? What's your favourite mythical creature?
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And I'll bask in your beautiful sunshine!! Also if you ever need to outsource chatter and schmoozing and all that extrovert business, you've got one on call now who would be just THRILLED to help AND thinks you've got a cute butt.
I keep on comin' back for more conversation don't I??? But okay, these are VERY important questions that MUST be answered before we pledge our lives to each other, so:
- Kate Bush's Hounds of Love, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street OCR (1979), Hall and Oates' H20.
- You know that purple sweater I wore to the first Summit meeting?? That, but in a variety of different colors. I used to dress like a youth pastor who's DEEP in denial about his sexuality.
- Ooooh. Sphinx? A sphinx feels right. She feels like someone I want to know but will FOREVER keep her secrets from me. Also, I love cats!!
Now YOUR turn.
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I really hit the jackpot, didn't I? Will you ask the restaurant for an extra pickle for me, too? Maybe you can tell me when my attempts at schmoozing devolve into trying to tell people unwanted lizard facts, 'cause I don't always notice.
They're very important! I need to know all these things about you just in case Whitney brings back game shows and we wind up on the Newlywed Game.
My turn? Hmmmm.
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Yes, yes, and yes. But what I'll do is tell you to save the facts for me, 'cause I really DO wanna know the weird lizard facts!!
I think most of our competitors at the moment might just be dogs. If we're serious about this, we're gonna need to start setting folks up.
As for YOU:
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Oooh, careful. Don't get me started on lizards, because I have an endless supply of weird lizard facts (and weird facts in general).
You're so right. Who's first on your list? I think Arlo could use a date. He's [...] a little sad.
I love bullet points.
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Oh no... what if I have to sit around and listen to you passionately describe niche subjects for the rest of our lives...
You know, I was thinking Edgar because he's the only other member of the troupe that managed to stay outta the smooch polygon situation. Do you think he and Arlo could fall in love??
And I love YOU.
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Then you might get sick of them! I'll have to make sure I keep my list of niche subjects up-to-date so that I don't repeat myself.
Ooooh, maybe? They're both very noble and heroic, they have good hearts, AND they're handsome. Arlo's divorced but I think he just needs to get back out there and meet someone outside of Prescott.
I love you, too!!
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Repeat yourself all you want, handsome. Maybe I missed something the first time 'cause I was lost in your eyes, or 'cause a head this blond and gay ain't made for thinking, and I might need another lesson!!!
Honestly we should just have a singles mixer and lock all of 'em up in a room until at LEAST two others are engaged. Or at least smooching. That'll lead to marriage eventually.
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Oh, don't say that. You're too pretty to waste your time listening to me recite Wikipedia from memory.
That's a GREAT idea! Valentine's Day is coming up...
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What else am I supposed to use these ears for?? Help me fill up the big ol' empty space between 'em!!
Oh gosh, I used to be SO good at Valentine's Day. I'm gonna have to think about what I want to do for you in order to preserve my reputation!!!!
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All joking aside, you're like, one of the smartest people I've met so don't sell yourself short.
Oh no, that's coming up fast! I gotta step up my game!
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Oh I ain't[...] You know how you're not used to hearing nice things about yourself so you get just a mite self-conscious when I tell you how amazing and thoughtful and brilliant and funny and interesting and handsome (and more!!!) you are?? [...] I'm not used to hearing that I'm smart or good-looking. So thank you!!We could ALSO tell Valentine's Day it has no business here in our apocalypse, I'll celebrate the man I love any ol' day of the year!!
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Look, I get it but also: you are the smartest, best-looking, kindest and most talented person here, and I only have eyes for you... AND you have a perfect ass, so jot that down!
How about I celebrate you every day of the year and ALSO get you a silly stuffed gorilla covered in hearts that says "you drive me bananas" because you deserve it?
DM 1/2
Well if I can trust anyone's word, it's that of the best doctor in Trumbull County!! [...] Thank you. For being you, for sticking it out the last couple years, for not falling in love before I got here, and for the compliments that I simply CANNOT believe. My butt is extremely old!!
Only if I can make you a stuffed lobster that says you're CLAWSOME!!
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Well, nobody was worthy enough to fall in love with in the past two years, nor was any ass worth complimenting, so make of that what you will! You're the cream of the crop.
Ohohoho, I've always wanted one of those.
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