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Oooooh, maybe they could knock me out with a bit of their laughing gas, though...

All joking aside, you're like, one of the smartest people I've met so don't sell yourself short.

Oh no, that's coming up fast! I gotta step up my game!

We gotta get you a real bed to dangle your legs off and kick your feet.
I don't know. I default to black because I get decision paralysis trying to pick colours!
We didn't learn this story in Greek church! What kind of sins did the rest of the cats do that they're banned from the kingdom of cat heaven?

You too, huh? Man, if we ever get besieged by old church ladies, we are READY! Your cheeks are much more pinchable than mine, though. What did you do with the gun?? Did a church lady leave her glock unattended???
Well, all that hard work did not go to waste, 'cause now you're gay LA hot in some backwoods hole in rural Washington State. You're so powerful.
Oh, I like a good quality horny werewolf story, I won't deny that. But they gotta be classy about it.

As long as that's what you want!! Consent must be enthusiastic and mutual in my harem!!

~~Oh I ain't~~ [...] You know how you're not used to hearing nice things about yourself so you get just a mite self-conscious when I tell you how amazing and thoughtful and brilliant and funny and interesting and handsome (and more!!!) you are?? [...] I'm not used to hearing that I'm smart or good-looking. So thank you!!

We could ALSO tell Valentine's Day it has no business here in our apocalypse, I'll celebrate the man I love any ol' day of the year!!

I think I'm starting to develop an attachment to the backaches the little bed gives me, it ain't healthy. HOWEVER!! If we finish the theater before too long, rumor has it there'll be a couple private rooms in there, and the LEAST they can do for their almost-fifty-year-old costumer is to give him space to dangle his legs off his bed and listen to his sappy mixtapes!!

I can pick out your colors!!! And all you'll have to do is stand there and look cute while I play Ferry Godmother and get you ALL dolled up.

And this is why all y'all are damned to Hell, for not knowing about the Jellicle choice. The cats, however, were just left to languish on Earth because they weren't as pathetic as Grizabella. Remember that when you're standing at the pearly gates, folks!!!

I gave the gun to the shift lead, I had an audition to get to!! Never heard from it again, so I ASSUME it was handed in to the proper authorities and Agnes got to brandish her righteous fury once more!!

All dozen times I went to the gym were NOT wasted and I DID get my money's worth. I was right to take out those payday loans!!

Gotcha, I WON'T be pulling out the unedited versions of Tegan's tales. Those are [...] not safe for human consumption.

I don't want to do anything else with them, mind you, I was just thinking about having a good nap.

Look, I get it but also: you are the smartest, best-looking, kindest and most talented person here, and I only have eyes for you... AND you have a perfect ass, so jot that down!

How about I celebrate you every day of the year and ALSO get you a silly stuffed gorilla covered in hearts that says "you drive me bananas" because you deserve it?

It's definitely the least they could do! Maybe you should play up how old and fragile you are to trick the younguns into giving you a better mattress (unless the older troupe person beats you to it).
That sounds like a lot of fun. Will you also sing a little mouse song so that I can get the full Disney princess experience?
Be pathetic, got it. I think I'm gonna win this heaven thing.

That, or your shift lead used it to rob a bank. Kind of a toss-up.
You are a genius and ahead of your time! Now you're an apocalypse king!
Do they involve Naruto?

And if they're not on board, maybe we can get someone to siphon your blood again!!

Well if I can trust anyone's word, it's that of the best doctor in Trumbull County!! [...] Thank you. For being you, for sticking it out the last couple years, for not falling in love before I got here, and for the compliments that I simply CANNOT believe. My butt is extremely old!!

Only if I can make you a stuffed lobster that says you're CLAWSOME!!

Chenin Blanc and I are DEFINITELY gonna have it out in the Thunderdome if she tries to keep me from having the comfiest mattress. She sleeps in the bed now!!

OBVIOUSLY, but with the fair warning that singing WILL attract roaming theater kids.

Nooo you can't go to the Heaviside Layer without your Rum Tum Tugger—I honestly can't believe they've never changed that name.

Huh. I was assured sudden departure in a Ferrari was unrelated. You don't think she'd just LIE, do you??

I just wish folks would notice me for my sparkling wit a little more often...

I've actually been disallowed from reading any of those anime stories 'cause I ask too many questions.

Oooh, that's a good idea! Then I'd be doing my medical duty as well as shirking it!

Well, nobody was worthy enough to fall in love with in the past two years, nor was any ass worth complimenting, so make of that what you will! You're the cream of the crop.

Ohohoho, I've always wanted one of those.

Maybe we could put a cast on your leg just for added sympathy points. She's had her share of nicest bed!
Is that how you get more of you? Are you like a theatre kid Pied Piper?
Rum Tum Tugger does NOT sound like the sort of guy who'd be in the Bible.

Are you kidding me? Have you MET restaurant people?
Surely most people have noticed, even if they're pretending they don't out of jealousy. And if they haven't noticed, they are stupid and wrong. So there.
I think I'm too old to understand any of that sort of thing.

Check me out for more loopholes for getting out of work!! I learned them all from the restaurant industry and never used a single one myself.

Not a single one worth complimenting?? But there's so many farmers and firefighters around!!

She let me use her gripper to open a jar of pickles, stay tuned to see if that means I'm in her good graces OR I'm in her DEBT!!

It's how UCLA got me. I heard singing and they registered me for three theater classes before I came to my senses!!

Maybe I should reread my Bible. I thought Rum Tum was Adam's first wife??

Now that you mention it I think I was an accessory to a bank robbery. But I barely touched the gun so my prints probably ain't on there!

You know that's what my mama always told me when the kids teased me on the playground?? Guess folks have just been jealous of me my whole life.

That's what I keep saying!! But then CB acts like she gets it and I'm telling you she don't get a dang thing, our brains are all old and hardened and cannot absorb this!!

I can't actually picturing you malingering. You're too wholesome.

Yeah, but they're not gay LA hot, or fluent in Shakespeare.

Oh no, that's how she gets you!
Oh yeah, Pritzker got me by promising me one of them fancy white coats and then I was stuck like this forever.
Is that the one who got kicked out for being a Tugger?

I'm sure it's fine, we're pardoning a murderer so I'm sure being an accessory to bank robbery is probably just peachy.
That's the spirit! I hope they're shivering in a cave somewhere thinking about you living your best life. Funny semi-related story: one time, I saw one of my elementary school bullies running a hot dog stand, and then a stray dog showed up and stole a bunch of his hot dogs. And then he chased after the dog and his hat blew off and got run over by a cab. It was delightful!
None of this was invented yet in our day and I refuse to learn about it now! After everything we've been through!!

I'm such a terrible liar, I can't believe I became an actor, I can't believe I did IMPROV.

Ah, so the butt needs CONTEXT. And I'm GREAT in context!!

I'm ready to fight! I'm ready to... cry, to be honest, that's my only move.

Did you know you could just buy them? Or did they need proof off MD before you get access to the COMFIEST of coats??

Oh yeah, she got Skimbleshanksed right outta that Jellylorum (these are also cats from Cats)!! (Also that was very funny!! My improv training requires me to keep a straight face and keep the bit going so I can only say this here, as an aside!!)

In FACT, it might even get me respect from the feral children who live in rusty containers!!

I hope that dog had THE best day after that. I hope YOU had the best day after that!!

We already had to learn how to change music formats too many times, we can't fit anything else in!!!

You have a sweet face. I'd believe anything you said.

You're great in context and out of context. You're just great!

Crying would probably work if you did it (see: previous note about your sweet face).
NOW you're telling me? I spent 15 years becoming a trauma surgeon when I could've just bought one?
I'm going to take your word for it (also thank you, you might be the only one who'd appreciate my Bible jokes).

Careful though, they might want to kidnap you so that they can have a spare pet old man.
I'm sure we both did! I feel like we had the same look of glee on our faces.
I'm carrying all of Western medicine around in this big head! Don't make me learn more!

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